A headline on Fox News asks: Are all those free-market capitalists dead?

BITE ME. K?

The market will correct. Didya see what happened today? No panic, no massive sell-off. We are America, dammit. And if you aren’t feeling comfortable with that, here’s one for ya: At least we aren’t Pakistan. Or Venezuela. So shut up. This will resolve soon enough. Oh boy, we are going to buy Starbucks for a song!!!!!

We’d be lyin’ if we said we weren’t stoked for the Sarah Palin-Joe Biden debate. Eat him alive, missy. It’s your last stand.

DJ AM attended the memorial for Travis Barker’s personal assistant who died in the plane crash. Morbidly, he didn’t look as bad as we thought he might. A gruesome red burn poked out from his chest, but the face is still intact and candidly, that’s a good thing cause he’s a performer of sorts. Man, is he one lucky record-spinning cat.

We were super remiss not mentioning Paul Newman’s death. We knew he’d been ill, but hearing about it certainly stung. Perhaps the one thing that stands out is this: If our Hollywood stars did half as much philanthropic work as Paul — and also followed his lead to eschew Hollywood and an ego-driven life — how much more good could there be in the world? Astronomical potential for changing lives, no?

When much is given, much is expected. Paul’s charitable contributions nearly outshone his acting work and he will be remembered for being good, not just famous.

We admire the way he kept his marriage together, too. No small feat in his business or anyone’s really.

We’ll miss him, but at least we’ve got some yummy salad dressing and sauce.

—————

Well, it’s a sad day on Wall Street, but candidly, we are happy the lawmakers in the House of Representatives said no to this bailout deal. It just enables the same greedy folks to keep on being greedy with no consequences. We know it’s far more complicated than that, but still. Stop throwing money at people who don’t know how to manage it. They deserve to be punished. Crash, burn and rebuild. And watch gas prices go down, down, down.

————

Turning our attention to worthless celeb goo….Is it just us or is that Cheryl Burke from Dancing with the Stars porking out this season. Girl look big! She’s solid, but wider.

That Warren Sapp — amid reports that he’s this year’s on-set diva — is rocking the ballroom hard for a big man. Seriously, we are a dancer and we are shocked at his footwork. Perhaps all those gridiron drills over the years have paid off. His partner is a vixen, too. What a bod!!! They have been outrageous thus far. An unlikely success story.

BTW: We’d love to have host Samantha’s arms. So muscular yet sleek.

———–

Happy Rosh Hashanah, y’all. We could completely dig some matzo ball soup about now.

Dear Princesses:

When this whole new financial bailout goes south, remember who voted for it. And vote THEM out of office.

This deal is totally a bad idea in the long run.

All we’re sayin.

That, and we feel superbad for Miss Heather Locklear. Perhaps the psychopharms she got at the rehab are a bad combo cause she wasn’t drunk.

We don’t like Tina Fey. We think she is one smug rhymes with witch. We’d like to see her debate Sarah Palin. Most of those Hollywood types are outed as stupid once they are called on the carpet to defend their views.

We think Lipstick Jungle is off to a fab start and can’t wait to see this week’s episode.

Scarlett Johannson marries at 23. That’ll last.

DJ AM and Travis Barker seemed to be getting along much better. AM has returned to LA and Travis should be out in a coupla weeks. That is great news. 

We love the elle.com/astrology horoscopes. You should check em out.

We bought galpal Jill a purple pumpkin for Halloween but she doesn’t know it yet. We got some dark chocolate M&Ms, too. We love Halloween and plan to wear our tiara (natch) and pass out candy. When little kids ask us ‘what are you?’ we say what we always say, even when it isn’t Halloween: A princess.

AS IF

If all of the rest of us did our jobs like these no-account lawmakers in Washington, the world would stop, no? NOTHING would get done.

And yet we elected these bimbos to use our money and take action.

Pa-freakin-thetic.

What do we admire most about Veep nominee Sarah Palin? Her cheekbones. Have ya noticed? Those are fierce, particularly on a politico. She’s got a fabulous complexion and her make-up is thus far spectacular. We are totally psyched about having someone attractive in the White House (other than that thoroughbred Dana Perino, whose haircut and fashion make us tres, tres jealous.) She’s a Diva fave.

Maybe if Congress had some wine or other assorted adult beverages, this “compromise” on the economy might be easier. Good to see these lawmakers forced to do something for a change. Over the last year or two, they’ve pretty much hunkered down and done nothing. We should measure their pay against their progress. That’d light a fire under their privileged asses.

Are you putting your money in gold, under your mattress or offshore? We will continue to make investments in what we know works: haircolor, handbags and of course, footwear. The world may be coming undone, but at least we’ll be looking swell at the recession or whatever term they are now using for tough times.

We’re sad at where this nation is headed. We’re so upset we’re considering making a delicious recipe for brie-crab pasta. It’s kinda of a fancy way of doing mac and cheese and some seafood, a glorified cheesy “tuna” casserole. 

Perhaps we need some wine — and if Congress gets anything done, we’ll certainly be toasting them at our usual Friday happy hour.

We are headed off into the wild north to “hike.” Actually, we’ll just be leaf-peeping, but who is counting. It’ll be worlds away from all of this economic trauma. We’ll leave a message on our phone noting that we are away studying Al Gore’s global warming. We never once believed it was true, but we were always sure it was a scam to make old Big Head richer than ever.

AS IF.

We loved the second night of Dancing with the Stars. Brooke Burke looked amazing and we love the teenage lovefest that is Julianne Hough and the boy she’s dancing with (where did he come from; he looks like they plucked him from some high school or maybe the Disney lot?) We think Lance Bass is getting hosed by the judges, perhaps being held to a higher standard because he’s a boybander. But Toni Braxton is also a performer and she doesn’t seem to get the same scrutiny. Sometimes, this show lets you see who is NOT cool and also lets you find out who is cool but nobody knows it. Ya know. (Screw the syntax. We’re on a roll.)

So….Clay Aiken is gay. That boy has had a hard row to hoe these last few years, being asked all the time and so publicly about his sexuality. Like it was anyone’s business. That said, no shock. Anyone who thought he was straight is some no-date fatty or some middle-age nutcase cat hoarder, right? Those Claymates will forgive him. Really, they just think he’s talented with great energy. And he is. We’re glad that he did this on his own time and in his own way — which is the way it ought to be for everyone. And so we say Godspeed Clay — and your little munchkin is adorable. He seems like the kind of guy who has the heart to be a great dad.

While we are on the gay thang: NOT BELIEVING FOR ONE SECOND THAT LINDSAY LOHAN IS GAY. We do believe she’s pushing the exploratory envelope with Sam after a tough time in her life. But as for this being some sort of permanent thing: We think not. And we worry that poor Samantha is going to get her feelings hurt badly.

That said, we LOVE Samantha’s music and urge you to get to her myspace account to hear more for yourself. It’s fab. She needs more exposure for that rather than Linds.

In other more personal news: Should we get bangs? Long ones? Maybe some face-scrapers like Sarah Palin? Or are bangs kinda whitetrashy? Hard to say. We’re thinkin.

xoxo

Well, now. It’s going to be a fabulous new season. We are excited.

Our initial thoughts:

That Misty chick looks like a man, sorta. That dark make-up is kinda tranny.

Susan Lucci can’t dance or move although she has quite the bod for a woman of 60. If she has a surgeon, could he/she please give up a call. Magnifique.

Kim Kardashian needs to dance with her partner, not herself. Oddly, she never really connected with him. 

Warren Sapp is genius. For a big dude, he can seriously move and entertain. What a personality. We are shocked, shocked.

Lance Bass needs to get back to performing because he radiates joy like few others do. He’s so amazing to watch. We’d be shocked if he wasn’t a finalist. 

Toni Braxton is still gorgeous. Dunno if she’ll win, but it’s great to see her again.

Whaddya think?

We liked all of the stupid pinko political comments from Hollywood’s big brains, but other than that, and Jeremy Piven’s moment of truth, we pretty much thought this year’s show sucked.

Three hours and about two jokes that worked. Maybe the writers should strike again and work on being FUNNY.

We did think Emmy voters got a lot of things right, tho. We can’t argue with the winners, even if some came from shows we haven’t yet seen.

We do give major snaps to Christina Applegate, who looked fabulous and no worse for the wear after her double mastectomy. She is a real comic talent who hasn’t yet gotten her due, we think.

As for Piven: He once told us to our face that our DVF dress looked like his shower curtain. So it would seem art does imitate life or vice versa.

Loved Brooke Shields’ hot pink dress — VERY DIVALICIOUS. More fashion commentary later.

And finally…..our boys DJ AM and Travis Barker are gonna live and perhaps are less injured than we initially thought. That is GREAT news and we send those boys our continued prayers as they recover. Their physical injuries aside, the mental toll of surviving such a tragedy is probably significant. Can you imagine being the only survivors walking out of a burning plane?

We can’t either. Much love to those boys in Georgia. Glad to see their family and pals gathering round.

As we type, Adam Goldstein (known professionally as DJ AM) and musician Travis Barker are in an Augusta, Ga. hospital being treated for serious burns after their Lear jet crashed on takeoff from Columbia, S.C.

We met Adam several years ago at a party he was working at the Delano Hotel in Miami. We’d known about him — he was involved in a relationship for a time with Nicole Ritchie — but were very surprised to find out that he was not a spoiled brat celebrity but a supernice guy. 

We went up to his DJ booth and asked him if he had some specific music. He laughed — it was older and out of his spectrum that night — but offered to come up with some other stuff we might like. And he didn’t blow us off. He chatted, asked US about OUR life and got to work playing our songs.

On the celebrity ego spectrum, he had NONE. He was a sweet boy with a great, low-key personality and seemed totally real.

And so we pray for Adam and for Travis, who was on the plane, and for the families of the others who died in this crash. It’s been a long time since we had a celebrity plane crash, so to speak, but this one looks like it’s shaping up to be a real tragedy.

Mariah Carey’s boy-husband looks more like a bodyguard than a spouse, the way he tries to escort her around at events. What a show those two put on! He always looks like he’s waiting on her. We ponder the longevity of this odd (publicity stunt) union.

Cute – and SO diva – that Jennifer Lopez made costume and hair-do changes during her husband’s 40th birthday bash last weekend. What, so one outfit would not do for the entire party?

Shannen Doherty looks super good now that we are seeing more of her with the redux of 90210. No really. We’d like to be catty but we’re happily surprised.

That Miley Cyrus looks like she’s wearing a wig, in real life. We fear she’s on the Jamie Lynn Spears track. Her dad doesn’t look, ummmmm, too strict, shall we say. She seems oddly flip and arrogant for a teenager with some power. Not likeable at all.

That Trista Sutter from The Bachelor/Bachlorette kinda got uglier now that she’s off TV and living in the real world. We liked her, but she’s a lot more suburban frumpy these days. Sigh, sigh, sigh. Is marriage the black hole of pretty? We think probably so.

We think Michael Phelps is a terrific swimmer but not hot. Kinda dorky, but definitely a great athlete.

We think Robert Downey Jr. could use some Juvederm or facial filler. His face is deploding as he gets older. Have ya noticed? He is one of our favorites so we sent this side note with

We would like to try on the Cindy McCain clothes. She has quite the diva closet. World class.

We think this election is the MOST sexist ever. We can’t get over it. We really can’t.

We like Sarah Palin but think those suits of hers look a little too Talbots. She’s petite and all, but we’d like to see her move into dresses a bit. Her personality is so large, she doesn’t need a suit to be forceful, we think. Loving tho, that she loves high heels. She’s rocking them HUGE on the campaign trail.

We wish we could be a fly on the wall at Hillary’s house. We bet she is PISSED that Palin and McCain stole her thunder. Not picking her will totally turn out to be Obama’s biggest regret.

Dancing with the Stars starts next week. We’ll be there. Watch along with us so we can make fun of people.

The diva used to dig watching “The View.” We loved the chick chat and even enjoyed the psychodrama between Rosie and Elisabeth. But the treatment of John McCain by these leftist vixens was ridiculous.

How does it square the Joy Behar calls John McCain a liar? It’s fine that she disagrees with him politically, but to sit there and accuse him like that, she should be reprimanded by her network. Hopefully thoughtful people will realize that she’s simply ill-informed and squawking with the proletariat about things she doesn’t understand. Funny comic, yes. Politically astute? Ummmmmm, no. We don’t think so. Perhaps her hormones are as out of whack as her opinions.

You know it’s out of hand when Cindy McCain, who has quietly held her tongue against criticism thus far, tagged the hosts for picking her family’s bones clean. Not an unfair assessment, after watching the replay. And what about them questioning HER about the number of houses her family owns?

Like it’s SO bad that she’s rich and has some property. All those leftist witches are rich, too, compared to most of the population. But suddenly Cindy McCain — and her husband by association — are out of touch because Cindy’s family made a lot of money in their business dealings.

The way those View chicas treated the Obamas was a lot different. Not that they can’t be partisan — it’s not journalism, it’s entertainment — but their disrespect of the views of people they disagree with certainly zaps their credibility among smart women.

To wit: we’re super angered by people who hate on those who don’t think like them. They diminish the sisterhood.

AS IF

They drive me crazy, these so-called feminists who are eating Sarah Palin alive.

True enough, girl stepped into the fire of her own volition, but damn if the sisterhood isn’t dining on her public largesse.

Here’s how it goes: these chicks are fine with a woman as candidate, as long as she meets their criteria. She can’t be too attractive, she has to be a part of some established political network (East Coast, Ivy-education, wife of politician or lobbyist or high-profile lawyer, aide to some politico, etc). Most important, you can’t REALLY be a feminist unless you’re a Democrat, right? That’s the bottom line here. Unless you fit into one of their categories then they scotch any inroads you’ve made for your estrogen kindred.

Pam Anderson tells Sarah Palin to “suck it.”

We’d give a million bucks to see Sarah Palin tell Pam Anderson that she’s already SUCKED a bunch of IT and look where it’s gotten her. She looks like a badly aging, plastic-modified tramp — with bad taste in men. Pretty soon, she’ll have to trade on her brains, not on her boobs. By the time that happens, Sarah Palin will still be out there getting real things done.

AS IF………….

True Blood, that new vampire show on HBO. Redneck blood-suckers. Who knew? Not loving the very disjointed Entourage, but Ari still rocks.

We give props to J-Lo for doing a triathalon. That is some shit for little bigbutt. Respect.

What’s up with Eva Longoria Parker getting tagged as fat because she’s got a little belly. Have ya seen her in person? She’s size MINUS 0. Now she looks about three sizes below normal – and hardly fat. That is some Hollywood insanity dubbing her fat.

We can hardly wait for the season premiere of Lipstick Jungle later this month. Our total fave show, now that Sex in the City is gone.

Was it just us, cause we didn’t find Tropic Thunder very funny. We wish we did, but no.

There’s a new Britney album coming. You’ve been warned. (No, seriously we like her and hope for the best. We were just playin.)

Is it just us or is the Obama camp looking desperate and making bad decisions? Ever since Palin, they’ve been acting scared, not forceful. And that Biden. ZZZZZZZ. The biggest mistake Obama will have made is not picking Hillary. Just watch. Huge error.

On SNL, Tina Fey nailed Sarah Palin, no?

Cindy Crawford has much darker hair. You’d think it’d be aging but not so much. Snaps.

Best wishes to Lt. Sulu who got married this weekend after 21 years with his boyfriend. We interviewed him once and he was super nice. We remember the nice ones more than the bad ones. George Takei is sweet.

More later……………

The great political sage Lindsay Lohan has posted a nastygram against VP hopeful Sarah Palin on her blog. It’s genius, really, in its stupidity. Our thoughts? Go to college honey, cause dumb bitch is an ugly way to roll.

“I really cannot bite my tongue anymore when it comes to Sarah Palin. I couldn’t be more supportive of a woman in office, but let’s face it, it comes down to the person, and their beliefs, male or female,” Lohan said.

“I would have liked to have remained impartial, however I am afraid that the ‘lipstick on a pig’ comments will overshadow the issues and the fact that I believe Barack Obama is the best choice, in this election, for president.”

“It’s necessary for me to clarify that I am not against Sarah Palin as a mother or woman.”

“I find it quite interesting that a woman who now is running to be second in command of the United States, only 4 years ago had aspirations to be a television anchor, which is probably all she is qualified to be.

“Oh, and… Hint Hint Pali Pal – Don’t pose for anymore tabloid covers, you’re not a celebrity, you’re running for office to represent our, your, my COUNTRY!”

“Is it a sin to be gay? Should it be a sin to be straight? Or to use birth control? Or to have sex before marriage? Or even to have a child out of wedlock? Is our country so divided that the Republicans best hope is a narrow minded, media obsessed homophobe?”

“Vote for obama!” Ronson wrote. “Mainly because if she gets elected my green card probably won’t get renewed!!!”

There’s so much going on in the world, we had to reorganize and move our little corner of the cyberworld to a proper — and superpink — place. We hope you like the new site. It’s overseen by our E commerce guru, but you’ll hear more about him later. He’s a whole column.

What you need to know now is we’re back to dish on fame, fashion and fortune, particularly the foibles related to all these. Stay tuned as we tee off on our favorites. No one is sacred.

We miss y’all. Don’t be strangers.

xoxo The Diva