Happy Holidays, divas. Crazy this abbreviated Christmas barreling down like a jet with no brakes. We have purchased nearly nothing. Oy, we are already behind. We do have pink wrapping paper, tho. And a pink Christmas tree. We are, after all, us.

The shopping deals are insane cause everyone lost their money in the market downturn. Even the Donald is having a bit of an economic down-swing. Like him, we plan to bounce back. Until then, we are trying hard to be frugal and we bought mascara at the drugstore. SCARY AS HELL. AS IF. We’ll never do that again, although we did score a smoking proletariat lip pencil in red. LOVING IT. FESTIVE! And like, $2. Who knew?

We tried hard but managed to eat too much for Turkey Day. Our fave sugarlicious item: a Coca-Cola cake. So rich and chocolate. It was the best cake we ever ate. EVER. The South really knows how to bake, that’s for sure. We’ll post the recipe for those of you who want fat butt like us. We’ll be in the gym twice as long over this. But this cake is worth it. YUMMMMMMMMM…………

In other news: Like we promised, A-Rod made a beeline to Madge’s house in in Miami, just days after word came that her pre-divorce was final in the UK. Wonder how long it’ll take before they are photographed out together. At least A-Rod would be her cutest boyfriend, no? Her others have been letdowns in the looks department. She likes em odd.

Speaking of: Sean Penn is insanely good in “Milk.” Ya gotta see this flick. Even tho we hate his political crap, he is genius in this new movie.

Changing gears: If we don’t get those spiky pink suede Louboutins we are craving for Christmas, we’ll be supersad. They are so pretty, they look like cotton candy and make us want to lick them. Sorta.

In other news: Rosie O’Donnell’s variety show tanked. We are not surprised. We like her but she’s been so all over the map emotionally, it’s hard for her to resonate with a lot of credibility in a show. Weirdness.

Did Samantha Ronson and Lindsay Lohan split this past week? Signs point to yes. We figured this would eventually happen, but… stay tuned.

Britney took her act to Europe to mixed reviews. It’s hard for us to believe that she’s back doing the lip-syncing and dancing thing just like she used to do. And yet, what else could she do? It just feels so dated. We want her to succeed, but we suspect her new act will not pack much punch if she tries to tour in the U.S.

That “Australia” flick is tanking, no? A big, epic with Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman and it’s getting beat by the Vince Vaughn/Reese Witherspoon dummy comedy. We’ll see it, natch. But we are SO waiting on “Confessions of a Shop-a-Holic.”

Up later, our suggested holiday shopping list.

The Diva is up to her tight hiney in pumpkin pie and thus, has been unavailable for gossip.

She will return soon. Until then…..dish, dish, dish….amongst yourselves…..

And have a pleasant holiday.

All the galpals are abuzz at the arrogance of the Big 3 U.S. automaker CEOs as they testified before Congress.

While they could have traveled to Washington in one of their energy-efficient, tech-savvy cars, which they are touting as the wave of future autos in America, all of them flew on corporate jets.  And then they had the audacity to say they wouldn’t be willing to give up the jets, even though they were there begging for money to stay afloat.

“Off with their heads,” says galpal Court. And we have to agree. They should agree to $250,000 salaries until their companies are solvent and all the government money they asked for is paid back with interest — and the union crap like job banks is dissolved forever — cause that’s how they got there.

Oh, but wait……there’s more.

Today “GM announced that it’s terminating leases on two of its five private jets ‘to cut costs’.”

Screw em. No money. It’s that kind of idiot bad judgment and fiscal irresponsibility that says they should get nothing from the feds. PATHETIC.

Joy “Menopause has dried up my brain” Behar cracked on the home-schooled kids on “The View,” saying some of them are mentally deranged.

Is she on crack? Because last time we checked, homeschooled kids were outpacing publicly educated students by leaps and bounds. And ya know, the one’s we’ve met are not only nice, moral and decent, but they tend to know a thing or two about the constitution. And they do well in college. And some come from families who might (GASP) love God and think that is important in their children’s lives. There ya go. We said it. That’s probably what is objectionable to her. AS IF.

She needs to educate herself (on a lot of things) instead of flapping her jowled trap like some leftist in need of psycho-pharmaceuticals. We’d love to see her take a test on U.S. history against a couple of homeschoolers. THAT would be fabulously good TV.

Ya know, we are supersad to see that Paris and Benji have split. Crimony, we thought they were headed to the altar. Could it be that she just outgrew his niceness. Seriously. We thought he was decent — probably too much so for her tastes.

Still, he legitimized her as a loving person and not some club-hopping, talentless bimbo. We thought they were mismatched on a lot of levels but also an opposites-attract kind of couple, which often works.

We were cheering for this couple We really were. We hope they reconcile because, well, we’d like to see them settle down and show folks that a showbiz coupling can work.

The “Change We Can Believe In” camp is starting to seem like the Clinton years 2.O. Tom Daschle? Nice guy, we suppose, but he ain’t new or innovative or anything we’d expect from the Obama folks who campaigned on business NOT as usual.

C’mon people. New blood, innovation. This is not a time to sink into the mediocre abyss of the past. Pick folks that are talented, interesting and outside the box, not party insiders. Otherwise, you just look so lame and like another politician who can’t live up to his rhetoric.

Thus far, your cabinet seems hugely underwhelming. BE ORIGINAL. CHOOSE WISELY, OBE WON. Safe is the new loser.

We hear that Obammy is up with another original idea, grabbing another Clinton era relec to be his new attorney general. If change has come to America, it looks…..rather than same. We figured the gassy rhetoric was just that.

As for Holder, the facial hair is not working on him at all. He’s like a fake Steadman Graham. If he is selected and confirmed, then we recommend a power shave. Otherwise, he’s like the black John Holmes and we’re gonna have to keep callling him Supa-Fly, as we did during the Clinton years.

We must be getting old — how’s it possible this word got past us. Tonight, galpal Kristi schooled us on a new term. Like “cougars” — older chicks who dig younger men — “manther” is an older dude who likes the ladies half his age.

Who knew? But we’re glad to see that at least there’s a name for it, seeing all these guys at college bars on the prowl. Manthers (cue growl noise).

Don’t throw tomatoes at us, but…….

If Obama has any sense, he’ll pick  Hillary as his secretary of state. It will appease those liberal ladies who loved her and were lukewarm on him. And it will show he’s hoping to bring his party together. Lots of fractures in there, unseen but there.

She’d be really good on a lot of levels. He’s gotta have a chick and it might as well be a smart one with some experience. Plus, it’s a two-fer. For right or wrong, he gets Bill and that dude certainly holds a lot of goodwill abroad, where we need it most.

Do the right thing, dude. She’d probably be really good at it and add to your all-star team.

Damn, James Otto delivered. One guy, one guitar, big stage and an original voice. Folks paid attention because he sounded GOOD! Dude, we know very little about you but you rocked.

We hope country can embrace Darius Rucker, who sort of gives country a soulful, Dave Matthews vibe. His voice is totally unique. And we don’t care what the purists said, the music of Hootie still resonates. It’s beautiful and fun and it makes us so happy when we hear it. 

He deserved the warm reception.

In other news: Taylor Swift. Now SHE looks like a teenager. Fresh. Age-appropriate and truly talented.

For our money, Reba McEntire still has top vocal chops. She puts a real emotional voice on any song, ya know. Her vocal signature is golden, even after all these years. Lots to learn from her.

Brad Paisley……again, he’s a sexual zero. Jake Owen, seriously cute, but who manages this dude cause his potential seems way untapped? Did not think the George Strait record was better than the Chesney disk, but Strait is so iconic and a defender of the old school that he gets a lot of props. We can dig it.

So, we are watching the CMA Awards and super-underwhelmed thus far. For our money, committed Michigander Kid Rock put on a better show than nearly everyone on the stage. And he ain’t exactly country. But he is always entertaining and his unit is super-tight.

Most of the performances were dreadful. We like Kelly Pickler a lot, but man, she was out of key for most of her song. A lot of the other acts were dull, too. What’s with the leather get-ups? A few ladies there seem a little long in the tooth for that. We’d like also to mention that Jennifer Nettles needs a little better eye make-up. She looks natural, but we think she could use a bit more glam. Loved her dress. Miley Cyrus… just looks a bit rough for a teen, no? Perhaps she’s just tired from all of the acting, singing and dating and teen-queening. Or something. She just should look a bit fresher and yet she seems leagues behind her years.

The state of country is kinda lame. We think that lead singer for Lady Antebellum is kinda sorta cute, but country lacks truly attractive male stars these days. Some talented heartthrob deperately needs to break. Keith Urban can’t be the only hottie in the line-up. A lot of these dudes are just chubby and gimmicky. Kenny Chesney can’t be the only keeper of the fit body, right? He certainly has made the most of his assets, but the rest of this show crew is a little doughy. And candidly, a lot of the back-up musicians and singers are 7-times cuter than the stars. Didya see Jason Aldean’s band? We rest our case, cuter than the headliner.

Brad Paisley, probably not the greatest choice of a host. His music is Grade B, but not an engaged personality. We prefer Vince Gill but he’s always the host. Paisley’s little wife seems funny tho…..more later. We’re on a tangent and still watching.

So, she’s not a lesbian, she could be bi, she doesn’t know if she’ll end up marrying a chick or a dude. It must be tough to be in love with Lindsay Lohan and her, er….lack of clarity. In her past, she’s seemed awfully clear before, ahem…. WAY CLEAR. And then goes and calls a black person “colored.”  Is any of this ok? And is she pissing away her career, or at least what is left of it?  What we fear is poor Samantha Ronson is gonna get her heart broken, and she seems to be really nice and supportive, too. Linds says she loves Sam. But she didn’t say “in love.” We worry.

Speaking of out of the limelight, what has happened to Hillary Duff and Mischa Barton? All but disappeared. Speaking of….. Marie Osmond is keeping the weight off nicely after “Dancing With the Stars.” Perhaps it’s for the diet commercials, but still. She looks good.

One of our galpals went to a Madonna concert and came back to report that our queen was turning into Cher. AS IF. Perhaps Madge is getting a tad too old for the camp. She looks good, but is it authentic. We were super letdown that Justin and Britney didn’t perform together at her show. We’d love to see these two rekindle it, even if it was only on stage.

We were RIGHT. Mrs. Obama’s dress at the White House was Maria Pinto.

“Confessions of a Shop-a-holic,” coming soon to a theater near you. We cannot stand it. This is nearly biographical. Speaking of movies, we love Reese Witherspoon, but the new flick she’s in with Vince Vaughn is kind of a splurge for a girl who can really act, no? Vince always plays himself, it seems. Every role, he’s Vince Vaughn. Funny, tho. We think he’s great, but a one-note actor.

We’re superglad Jennifer Aniston is speaking out about Angie and Brad. She needs to tell the truth. We think she wasn’t treated right at all and we’re still pissed. We’d like her to spill it all — we bet Brad wouldn’t emerge as the do-gooder folks think he is now.

We could be wrong (doubtful, we have SUCH an eye), but we think Michelle Obama was again wearing Chicago designer Mario Pinto as she entered the White House this afternoon for a visit with her husband with President Bush and First Lady Laura.

Bright red, very Nancy Reagan, and we thought she looked simple, elegant and smashing. No big jewelry.

SUCH A TOTAL improvement over that election night Narcisco Rodriquez, which looked so soccer mom with a cardigan. If you have arms like hers, you show them off, even if it’s chilly. And girl, wear some heels. Those one and a half-inchers do not do you justice, especially in good clothes. Rock the heels, k?

And good work today. You can totally do the right thing when you try.

We hope all you little divas-in-training are watching “Entourage” this season. It’s the most fabulous show on TV. HBO, 10 p.m. Sundays, with repeats throughout the week.

We think the most watchable character on TV is Ari. We’ve said it before, but we’ll say it again. He’s genius and this past week’s episode proved it. He is played by the actor Jeremy Piven. We hope this show never goes off TV, so watch, watch, watch. There are instructive diva lessons, even in this dude. Like how to get your way and how to successfully turn a power play.

There is even a Web site devoted to Ari’s best quotes. You must check it out.

www.arigoldquotes.com/your-top-25-ari-gold-quotes/

Hey, at least Obama has good taste in help. While we had previously dismissed him as a Clinton operative — cue gag reflex — we do have to say that the new White House chief of staff is kinda hottie.

Seriously. Most of the Hill types are duller than dirt and as festive as beige, but this guy is cute. Plus, there is the added bonus that his brother sparked the character Ari from the HBO show “Entourage.” Ari is the our favorite character on TV, so much so that in our diva lair, we call it “The Ari Show.”

We look forward to seeing future members of the cabinet. We hope they are similarly attractive. Because looking good is governing good… or something like that. 

We’re trying to be hopeful. We really are.

Kim Cattrall, post-50 vixen extraordinaire, let the er, ahem… cat out of the bag. A “Sex and the City” sequel is forthcoming. Let divas worldwide hope and pray that they can get this one done without the supersized drama.

We love our girls… and we miss them ever so. We can’t wait to catch up and hope they can shoot this in time for summer. Wouldn’t that be parfait!

While we generously give Michelle Obama a B-minus on her unusual red and black dress, our pal Court throws up a C-minus, saying she just didn’t get it.

We do give the Obama family props for their fashion coordination, down to Barack’s red tie. A little matchy, yes, but overall, they looked good up there as a unit. Confidence is always THE BEST accessory.

Well, there you go. You wanted it.  You got it. And it’s a REALLY tough job.

We hope the reality lives up to the hype. And we can’t wait to see all of the inaugural apparel.

Loving the Cindy McCain messy chignon. She went to the polls so glamslam we were sick with glee!

Michelle Obama was fronting a more soccer mom look with her hair pulled back in a ponytail and headband, dressed down in all black. Not a good look. Quite the fashion letdown. 

We predict, however, that Michelle will be fabulous tonight at her hubbie’s Chicago celebration.