Joy “Menopause has dried up my brain” Behar cracked on the home-schooled kids on “The View,” saying some of them are mentally deranged.

Is she on crack? Because last time we checked, homeschooled kids were outpacing publicly educated students by leaps and bounds. And ya know, the one’s we’ve met are not only nice, moral and decent, but they tend to know a thing or two about the constitution. And they do well in college. And some come from families who might (GASP) love God and think that is important in their children’s lives. There ya go. We said it. That’s probably what is objectionable to her. AS IF.

She needs to educate herself (on a lot of things) instead of flapping her jowled trap like some leftist in need of psycho-pharmaceuticals. We’d love to see her take a test on U.S. history against a couple of homeschoolers. THAT would be fabulously good TV.

We hope country can embrace Darius Rucker, who sort of gives country a soulful, Dave Matthews vibe. His voice is totally unique. And we don’t care what the purists said, the music of Hootie still resonates. It’s beautiful and fun and it makes us so happy when we hear it. 

He deserved the warm reception.

In other news: Taylor Swift. Now SHE looks like a teenager. Fresh. Age-appropriate and truly talented.

For our money, Reba McEntire still has top vocal chops. She puts a real emotional voice on any song, ya know. Her vocal signature is golden, even after all these years. Lots to learn from her.

Brad Paisley……again, he’s a sexual zero. Jake Owen, seriously cute, but who manages this dude cause his potential seems way untapped? Did not think the George Strait record was better than the Chesney disk, but Strait is so iconic and a defender of the old school that he gets a lot of props. We can dig it.

So, we are watching the CMA Awards and super-underwhelmed thus far. For our money, committed Michigander Kid Rock put on a better show than nearly everyone on the stage. And he ain’t exactly country. But he is always entertaining and his unit is super-tight.

Most of the performances were dreadful. We like Kelly Pickler a lot, but man, she was out of key for most of her song. A lot of the other acts were dull, too. What’s with the leather get-ups? A few ladies there seem a little long in the tooth for that. We’d like also to mention that Jennifer Nettles needs a little better eye make-up. She looks natural, but we think she could use a bit more glam. Loved her dress. Miley Cyrus… just looks a bit rough for a teen, no? Perhaps she’s just tired from all of the acting, singing and dating and teen-queening. Or something. She just should look a bit fresher and yet she seems leagues behind her years.

The state of country is kinda lame. We think that lead singer for Lady Antebellum is kinda sorta cute, but country lacks truly attractive male stars these days. Some talented heartthrob deperately needs to break. Keith Urban can’t be the only hottie in the line-up. A lot of these dudes are just chubby and gimmicky. Kenny Chesney can’t be the only keeper of the fit body, right? He certainly has made the most of his assets, but the rest of this show crew is a little doughy. And candidly, a lot of the back-up musicians and singers are 7-times cuter than the stars. Didya see Jason Aldean’s band? We rest our case, cuter than the headliner.

Brad Paisley, probably not the greatest choice of a host. His music is Grade B, but not an engaged personality. We prefer Vince Gill but he’s always the host. Paisley’s little wife seems funny tho…..more later. We’re on a tangent and still watching.

We hope all you little divas-in-training are watching “Entourage” this season. It’s the most fabulous show on TV. HBO, 10 p.m. Sundays, with repeats throughout the week.

We think the most watchable character on TV is Ari. We’ve said it before, but we’ll say it again. He’s genius and this past week’s episode proved it. He is played by the actor Jeremy Piven. We hope this show never goes off TV, so watch, watch, watch. There are instructive diva lessons, even in this dude. Like how to get your way and how to successfully turn a power play.

There is even a Web site devoted to Ari’s best quotes. You must check it out.

www.arigoldquotes.com/your-top-25-ari-gold-quotes/

Hey, at least Obama has good taste in help. While we had previously dismissed him as a Clinton operative — cue gag reflex — we do have to say that the new White House chief of staff is kinda hottie.

Seriously. Most of the Hill types are duller than dirt and as festive as beige, but this guy is cute. Plus, there is the added bonus that his brother sparked the character Ari from the HBO show “Entourage.” Ari is the our favorite character on TV, so much so that in our diva lair, we call it “The Ari Show.”

We look forward to seeing future members of the cabinet. We hope they are similarly attractive. Because looking good is governing good… or something like that. 

We’re trying to be hopeful. We really are.

We loved John McCain on “Saturday Night Live.” He was more open and funnier than we expected. The bit about a “Republican without money” Sublime. Loved the blank plates. Obama shoulda done the townhalls with him, providing a better contrast.

Supercool that his little blonde wife (LBW) came on as the QVC presenter. Ya know, if she wasn’t already so darned rich, she kinda looks like a QVC presenter. Following along with that note…. why hasn’t she spiked his campaign with the big bucks to make up for the Obama windfall? Just curious. 

We think the polls are capturing a close race based on individual voters, but it’s the electoral college that will kill McCain on Tuesday.

Whew…..it’s almost over. Be cooler if it were more of a horserace. Some Senate and House seats will certainly provide that action, tho. November 5th will probably be a tough day to be a Republican, we surmise.

Think of all the good it would have done people who are suffering in this economy if Obama had spent that money on help and not on some infomerical… which was boring.

ZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZZ.

And allow us to say that it seemed utterly ridiculous, if not pompous. Plus, he lied about the campaign finance stuff. 

There ya go……nuff said.

Not even, in a side by side comparison…..does SNL’er Tina Fey match up with Sarah Palin.

Liked the opening. Especially when she told that big-headed creep Alec Baldwin that she liked Stephen best. Come to think of it, we do too.

And we still like Sarah a lot as well. Even after all the criticism, we think she’s bright and engaging and not stupid like the liberals want to paint her. We think she’s a total star and feminist hottie — which is why all the ugly women’s rights folks can’t stand her. Pretty and successful — they can’t stand it.

AS IF.

We are so divaliciously busy, we have roots. ROOTS. No time to get to the salon for a quick fix either.

Still, we are delighted to see so many bona fide movie stars on television these days. Harvey Keitel is suitably insane on “Life on Mars.” Still totally crazy after all these years. Christian Slater, another of our favorite insane actors posse members, is back on “My Own Worst Enemy,” which kinda sounds like a biopic for him. Angela Bassett, who is far too good for the small screen, is now a top doc on “ER,” while Selma Blair is giving up the yucks with former-SNL star Molly Shannon on “Kath & Kim,” among many others.

We should be into the new “Desperate Housewives” but we aren’t. It just isn’t hitting us, although we are eager to see a new episode of “Lipstick Jungle,” by far our fave.

We hear Janet Jackson and Madonna may soon be living in Miami. Madge is gonna work on a new record with her former junior collaborator Justin Timberlake. Janet and her boy Jermaine Dupri visit Miami often and dig the area. A host of others make homes there including Missy Elliott and Diddy. We can totally understand the appeal. SOBE is as rockin’ as ever. If you go, visit the Standard Hotel. They have bathtubs on outdoor terraces to their rooms. So sexy, taking a bath outdoors. And the pool atmosphere is unmatched. Very Euro and fun.

We are considering a winter vacation to the Virgin Islands and a stay at Caneel Bay, the resort on St. John. If there is a nicer place, please tell us. Cause this is beyond peaceful and gorgeous in an old-school way.

In other news, it’s not cool to call things “gay” when you think they are bad. This from a new public relations campaign featuring a ton of celebs including Hillary Duff. Memba her?  What does she do for a living? We forgot. And has that Mischa Barton acted at all lately? She is also one of the Young Hollywooders who are kinda career MIA.

We think Hugh Hefner ought to rethink his relationship with Holly. He’s no spring chicken and strangely, we thought she really loved him. We know she wants kids and a marriage. Why does he balk? We think he’s making a huge mistake. Even for him and his playboy reputation, the bimbo parade is kinda tired. Go get her Hef and make her an honest woman before you have a stroke and are in the nursing home. Seriously.

Dear Princesses:

When this whole new financial bailout goes south, remember who voted for it. And vote THEM out of office.

This deal is totally a bad idea in the long run.

All we’re sayin.

That, and we feel superbad for Miss Heather Locklear. Perhaps the psychopharms she got at the rehab are a bad combo cause she wasn’t drunk.

We don’t like Tina Fey. We think she is one smug rhymes with witch. We’d like to see her debate Sarah Palin. Most of those Hollywood types are outed as stupid once they are called on the carpet to defend their views.

We think Lipstick Jungle is off to a fab start and can’t wait to see this week’s episode.

Scarlett Johannson marries at 23. That’ll last.

DJ AM and Travis Barker seemed to be getting along much better. AM has returned to LA and Travis should be out in a coupla weeks. That is great news. 

We love the elle.com/astrology horoscopes. You should check em out.

We bought galpal Jill a purple pumpkin for Halloween but she doesn’t know it yet. We got some dark chocolate M&Ms, too. We love Halloween and plan to wear our tiara (natch) and pass out candy. When little kids ask us ‘what are you?’ we say what we always say, even when it isn’t Halloween: A princess.

AS IF

We loved the second night of Dancing with the Stars. Brooke Burke looked amazing and we love the teenage lovefest that is Julianne Hough and the boy she’s dancing with (where did he come from; he looks like they plucked him from some high school or maybe the Disney lot?) We think Lance Bass is getting hosed by the judges, perhaps being held to a higher standard because he’s a boybander. But Toni Braxton is also a performer and she doesn’t seem to get the same scrutiny. Sometimes, this show lets you see who is NOT cool and also lets you find out who is cool but nobody knows it. Ya know. (Screw the syntax. We’re on a roll.)

So….Clay Aiken is gay. That boy has had a hard row to hoe these last few years, being asked all the time and so publicly about his sexuality. Like it was anyone’s business. That said, no shock. Anyone who thought he was straight is some no-date fatty or some middle-age nutcase cat hoarder, right? Those Claymates will forgive him. Really, they just think he’s talented with great energy. And he is. We’re glad that he did this on his own time and in his own way — which is the way it ought to be for everyone. And so we say Godspeed Clay — and your little munchkin is adorable. He seems like the kind of guy who has the heart to be a great dad.

While we are on the gay thang: NOT BELIEVING FOR ONE SECOND THAT LINDSAY LOHAN IS GAY. We do believe she’s pushing the exploratory envelope with Sam after a tough time in her life. But as for this being some sort of permanent thing: We think not. And we worry that poor Samantha is going to get her feelings hurt badly.

That said, we LOVE Samantha’s music and urge you to get to her myspace account to hear more for yourself. It’s fab. She needs more exposure for that rather than Linds.

In other more personal news: Should we get bangs? Long ones? Maybe some face-scrapers like Sarah Palin? Or are bangs kinda whitetrashy? Hard to say. We’re thinkin.

xoxo

Well, now. It’s going to be a fabulous new season. We are excited.

Our initial thoughts:

That Misty chick looks like a man, sorta. That dark make-up is kinda tranny.

Susan Lucci can’t dance or move although she has quite the bod for a woman of 60. If she has a surgeon, could he/she please give up a call. Magnifique.

Kim Kardashian needs to dance with her partner, not herself. Oddly, she never really connected with him. 

Warren Sapp is genius. For a big dude, he can seriously move and entertain. What a personality. We are shocked, shocked.

Lance Bass needs to get back to performing because he radiates joy like few others do. He’s so amazing to watch. We’d be shocked if he wasn’t a finalist. 

Toni Braxton is still gorgeous. Dunno if she’ll win, but it’s great to see her again.

Whaddya think?

We liked all of the stupid pinko political comments from Hollywood’s big brains, but other than that, and Jeremy Piven’s moment of truth, we pretty much thought this year’s show sucked.

Three hours and about two jokes that worked. Maybe the writers should strike again and work on being FUNNY.

We did think Emmy voters got a lot of things right, tho. We can’t argue with the winners, even if some came from shows we haven’t yet seen.

We do give major snaps to Christina Applegate, who looked fabulous and no worse for the wear after her double mastectomy. She is a real comic talent who hasn’t yet gotten her due, we think.

As for Piven: He once told us to our face that our DVF dress looked like his shower curtain. So it would seem art does imitate life or vice versa.

Loved Brooke Shields’ hot pink dress — VERY DIVALICIOUS. More fashion commentary later.

And finally…..our boys DJ AM and Travis Barker are gonna live and perhaps are less injured than we initially thought. That is GREAT news and we send those boys our continued prayers as they recover. Their physical injuries aside, the mental toll of surviving such a tragedy is probably significant. Can you imagine being the only survivors walking out of a burning plane?

We can’t either. Much love to those boys in Georgia. Glad to see their family and pals gathering round.

The diva used to dig watching “The View.” We loved the chick chat and even enjoyed the psychodrama between Rosie and Elisabeth. But the treatment of John McCain by these leftist vixens was ridiculous.

How does it square the Joy Behar calls John McCain a liar? It’s fine that she disagrees with him politically, but to sit there and accuse him like that, she should be reprimanded by her network. Hopefully thoughtful people will realize that she’s simply ill-informed and squawking with the proletariat about things she doesn’t understand. Funny comic, yes. Politically astute? Ummmmmm, no. We don’t think so. Perhaps her hormones are as out of whack as her opinions.

You know it’s out of hand when Cindy McCain, who has quietly held her tongue against criticism thus far, tagged the hosts for picking her family’s bones clean. Not an unfair assessment, after watching the replay. And what about them questioning HER about the number of houses her family owns?

Like it’s SO bad that she’s rich and has some property. All those leftist witches are rich, too, compared to most of the population. But suddenly Cindy McCain — and her husband by association — are out of touch because Cindy’s family made a lot of money in their business dealings.

The way those View chicas treated the Obamas was a lot different. Not that they can’t be partisan — it’s not journalism, it’s entertainment — but their disrespect of the views of people they disagree with certainly zaps their credibility among smart women.

To wit: we’re super angered by people who hate on those who don’t think like them. They diminish the sisterhood.

AS IF