1. We’re not sure how you get to be governor of any state — even some creepy backwater one and not Illinois — and have the kind of cartoon hairdo that Blagojevich is sporting. It looks like either he’s channelling Beaver Cleaver or some sort of small rodent curled up and rotated on his head.

2. Candidly, we like throwing around the word “dick,” especially to describe people who act up. We also like that Kathy Griffin. She’s a terrific comic foil for that tight-assed blue-blood Anderson Cooper (and we honestly like him, too). Frequently we’ve been known to mutter: “What a freakin’ dickhead!” We mean it emphatically more than being vulgar. Say it with us: “What a dick!” Doesn’t it apply to a lot of people you know? Well, sure it does. We think people on national television, particularly on NYE, can forgive her the rowdy banter. Have ya seen her stand-up? Those CNN execs are idiots if they haven’t seen how she works. LOVE IT.

1. Buy those Louboutin’s that have been calling our name — and feel no fiscal shame.

2. Contact people who bug us and tell them, specifically, why. Smash the haters.

3. Buy more dance music so our mobile disco can be uber-festive, like a rolling gay bar. Sublime.

4. Kiss a lot more

5. Invest in exotic cheese

6. Get a retread on the tits; vacuum our upper arms

7. Buy a child — that looks like us — online; or just steal one from Walmart (from one of those haggard families who just have too many)

8. Don’t do things we don’t like; just say no (thank-you)

9. Order nicer candles, underwear, towels and make-up

10. Call up people we haven’t seen in years and say, “Bitches: Whassup?”  Or just call em.

So, she’s not a genius public speaker. So, she needs media training. And wait, so she really hasn’t contributed much to state and local politics, but hey… she’s a Kennedy and she has that going for her. Perfect for the U.S. Senate? 

Maybe not so much.

Sure it’ll be a colossal letdown, perhaps moreso for history, but New York Guv David Patterson probably ought to think about someone else, if he isn’t already, as his choice to fill the Hillary seat in Congress.

We are super-disturbed, not only because she is dreadfully inarticulate and fails to convey ANY reasonable message that would suggest she’s a good choice, but also by that weird, center-side part.

C’mon, don’t pretend that it isn’t bugging you. It looks like a road leading to some mountain holler.  Who parts their hair like that intentionally? We mean, really!!!!! And you know she’s got an assload of money to hire someone who knows their way around a comb.

All we’re sayin…

She’s a very odd woman, not terribly likeable, not terribly gracious, not terribly anything except maybe…entitled.

Eartha Kitt has died. She was one mysterious chick, a true icon of film, movies, music and all things vixen.

We shall miss her. She was a true original — something we all strive to be.

The Diva has been bogged down with family trauma and regrets being out of touch. But she sends mad Christmas love to you all with wishes for a fab 2009.

We grew up with an angry-ass sister. Who threw a lot of things, including a steak knife at our mother when she was 9. It stuck in a door and she was uninjured. Still, it takes a lot of hate to heave something deadly, even at folks to whom you are related.

That said, a lot of our galpals have come plumb out of the woodwork today to opine on the Iraqi journo who got pissed enough to hurl a shoe at President Bush. The bad news: you don’t get away with throwing anything at the leader of the free world. Even one that is preparing to exit stage left. So dude is probably locked up in the camel jail for a very long time.

Even our thoughtful and sensitive boypals have weighed in, given the sensitive nature of shoe detante.

“Remember, strappy high heels don’t kill people. People kill people,” types one our total favorites.

Can we get that on a bumper sticker or perhaps a nice t-shirt?

So true, so true.

At least these were loafers, so there wasn’t really a killer stiletto involved. Smelly, cheap Third-Worlder journo loafers, no doubt. 

Cause if he were tossing the Gucci’s or Ferragamo’s, we’d be super more interested. Mainly about the quality of the footwear, less about the international stir.

Still, it did make good video, cultural sensitivities be damned.

The new special holiday Barbie for 2008 looks exactly like a drag queen we used to adore. Seriously. Something about the face that said all man, nice lady……ya know.

A bunch of the tree top angels at Target look strangely pregnant, about 8 months along by my estimation. Perhaps too much crinoline in the angel skirt?

Barbie has a private jet, that bitch! It’s pink, too. WTF. We’ve been needing this for some time now. Oy, she gets all the good stuff.

Americans are fat. Just stores full of fatty suburbanites with their whiny kids. We’ve become a toady, ugly culture. We should eat less because the economy is bad. Really, we should.

We don’t understand why anyone purchases those $5 tins of popcorn. How stale must it be? And who would interpret this as a gift. Oddness.

We attacked the dudes in the Christmas tree department so harshly (after three trips and zero luck in getting new stock) that they finally acquiesced and sold us the floor model white tree we’d been jonesing for.  It is delightful.

We were watching a football game these weekend and decided that that Tim Tebow, the Florida Gators quarterback, is an exemplary young man and cute too. So is his roommate, who has a lot of sexy long hair. Yummy. Yummy. Yummy.

Fred Klaus is not a good movie, even with Vince Vaughn. But Four Christmases is funny, in that goofy, ridiculous way. We recommend. Not a cinematic triumph, but you will laugh out loud.

That didn’t take long, right? The Chicago cops finally popped ‘Fro Boy’ in the murders of actress Jennifer Hudson’s mom, brother and nephew. About time. We were beginning to wonder if this was ever going to happen. Such a sad, sad story.

Happy Holidays, divas. Crazy this abbreviated Christmas barreling down like a jet with no brakes. We have purchased nearly nothing. Oy, we are already behind. We do have pink wrapping paper, tho. And a pink Christmas tree. We are, after all, us.

The shopping deals are insane cause everyone lost their money in the market downturn. Even the Donald is having a bit of an economic down-swing. Like him, we plan to bounce back. Until then, we are trying hard to be frugal and we bought mascara at the drugstore. SCARY AS HELL. AS IF. We’ll never do that again, although we did score a smoking proletariat lip pencil in red. LOVING IT. FESTIVE! And like, $2. Who knew?

We tried hard but managed to eat too much for Turkey Day. Our fave sugarlicious item: a Coca-Cola cake. So rich and chocolate. It was the best cake we ever ate. EVER. The South really knows how to bake, that’s for sure. We’ll post the recipe for those of you who want fat butt like us. We’ll be in the gym twice as long over this. But this cake is worth it. YUMMMMMMMMM…………

In other news: Like we promised, A-Rod made a beeline to Madge’s house in in Miami, just days after word came that her pre-divorce was final in the UK. Wonder how long it’ll take before they are photographed out together. At least A-Rod would be her cutest boyfriend, no? Her others have been letdowns in the looks department. She likes em odd.

Speaking of: Sean Penn is insanely good in “Milk.” Ya gotta see this flick. Even tho we hate his political crap, he is genius in this new movie.

Changing gears: If we don’t get those spiky pink suede Louboutins we are craving for Christmas, we’ll be supersad. They are so pretty, they look like cotton candy and make us want to lick them. Sorta.

In other news: Rosie O’Donnell’s variety show tanked. We are not surprised. We like her but she’s been so all over the map emotionally, it’s hard for her to resonate with a lot of credibility in a show. Weirdness.

Did Samantha Ronson and Lindsay Lohan split this past week? Signs point to yes. We figured this would eventually happen, but… stay tuned.

Britney took her act to Europe to mixed reviews. It’s hard for us to believe that she’s back doing the lip-syncing and dancing thing just like she used to do. And yet, what else could she do? It just feels so dated. We want her to succeed, but we suspect her new act will not pack much punch if she tries to tour in the U.S.

That “Australia” flick is tanking, no? A big, epic with Nicole Kidman and Hugh Jackman and it’s getting beat by the Vince Vaughn/Reese Witherspoon dummy comedy. We’ll see it, natch. But we are SO waiting on “Confessions of a Shop-a-Holic.”

Up later, our suggested holiday shopping list.

The Diva is up to her tight hiney in pumpkin pie and thus, has been unavailable for gossip.

She will return soon. Until then…..dish, dish, dish….amongst yourselves…..

And have a pleasant holiday.

All the galpals are abuzz at the arrogance of the Big 3 U.S. automaker CEOs as they testified before Congress.

While they could have traveled to Washington in one of their energy-efficient, tech-savvy cars, which they are touting as the wave of future autos in America, all of them flew on corporate jets.  And then they had the audacity to say they wouldn’t be willing to give up the jets, even though they were there begging for money to stay afloat.

“Off with their heads,” says galpal Court. And we have to agree. They should agree to $250,000 salaries until their companies are solvent and all the government money they asked for is paid back with interest — and the union crap like job banks is dissolved forever — cause that’s how they got there.

Oh, but wait……there’s more.

Today “GM announced that it’s terminating leases on two of its five private jets ‘to cut costs’.”

Screw em. No money. It’s that kind of idiot bad judgment and fiscal irresponsibility that says they should get nothing from the feds. PATHETIC.

Joy “Menopause has dried up my brain” Behar cracked on the home-schooled kids on “The View,” saying some of them are mentally deranged.

Is she on crack? Because last time we checked, homeschooled kids were outpacing publicly educated students by leaps and bounds. And ya know, the one’s we’ve met are not only nice, moral and decent, but they tend to know a thing or two about the constitution. And they do well in college. And some come from families who might (GASP) love God and think that is important in their children’s lives. There ya go. We said it. That’s probably what is objectionable to her. AS IF.

She needs to educate herself (on a lot of things) instead of flapping her jowled trap like some leftist in need of psycho-pharmaceuticals. We’d love to see her take a test on U.S. history against a couple of homeschoolers. THAT would be fabulously good TV.

Ya know, we are supersad to see that Paris and Benji have split. Crimony, we thought they were headed to the altar. Could it be that she just outgrew his niceness. Seriously. We thought he was decent — probably too much so for her tastes.

Still, he legitimized her as a loving person and not some club-hopping, talentless bimbo. We thought they were mismatched on a lot of levels but also an opposites-attract kind of couple, which often works.

We were cheering for this couple We really were. We hope they reconcile because, well, we’d like to see them settle down and show folks that a showbiz coupling can work.

We must be getting old — how’s it possible this word got past us. Tonight, galpal Kristi schooled us on a new term. Like “cougars” — older chicks who dig younger men — “manther” is an older dude who likes the ladies half his age.

Who knew? But we’re glad to see that at least there’s a name for it, seeing all these guys at college bars on the prowl. Manthers (cue growl noise).

So, she’s not a lesbian, she could be bi, she doesn’t know if she’ll end up marrying a chick or a dude. It must be tough to be in love with Lindsay Lohan and her, er….lack of clarity. In her past, she’s seemed awfully clear before, ahem…. WAY CLEAR. And then goes and calls a black person “colored.”  Is any of this ok? And is she pissing away her career, or at least what is left of it?  What we fear is poor Samantha Ronson is gonna get her heart broken, and she seems to be really nice and supportive, too. Linds says she loves Sam. But she didn’t say “in love.” We worry.

Speaking of out of the limelight, what has happened to Hillary Duff and Mischa Barton? All but disappeared. Speaking of….. Marie Osmond is keeping the weight off nicely after “Dancing With the Stars.” Perhaps it’s for the diet commercials, but still. She looks good.

One of our galpals went to a Madonna concert and came back to report that our queen was turning into Cher. AS IF. Perhaps Madge is getting a tad too old for the camp. She looks good, but is it authentic. We were super letdown that Justin and Britney didn’t perform together at her show. We’d love to see these two rekindle it, even if it was only on stage.

We were RIGHT. Mrs. Obama’s dress at the White House was Maria Pinto.

“Confessions of a Shop-a-holic,” coming soon to a theater near you. We cannot stand it. This is nearly biographical. Speaking of movies, we love Reese Witherspoon, but the new flick she’s in with Vince Vaughn is kind of a splurge for a girl who can really act, no? Vince always plays himself, it seems. Every role, he’s Vince Vaughn. Funny, tho. We think he’s great, but a one-note actor.

We’re superglad Jennifer Aniston is speaking out about Angie and Brad. She needs to tell the truth. We think she wasn’t treated right at all and we’re still pissed. We’d like her to spill it all — we bet Brad wouldn’t emerge as the do-gooder folks think he is now.

Well, there you go. You wanted it.  You got it. And it’s a REALLY tough job.

We hope the reality lives up to the hype. And we can’t wait to see all of the inaugural apparel.

We are supersad to learn that Barack Obama’s grandmother passed away today from cancer in Hawaii. We are saddened that she died the day before the big election. How hurt he must be, even though he can’t really let down his guard and he campaigns — too much at stake.

We wish him and his family peace.

It’s a problem that often goes on behind closed doors with friends and family afraid to speak out. Domestic violence touches all sorts of lives — rich or poor and also famous.

We’re glad the Hudson family, in the midst of such tragedy, has channeled its grief into something good.

They have started a foundation to help families just like theirs.

To contribute to the Hudson-King Foundation, send money to:

c/o Abrams Garfinkel Margolis Bergson, LLP

Attn: William L. Abrams, Esq.

237 West 35th Street, 4th Floor

New York, NY 10001

Check out the latest Gallup presidential poll. We know they always tighten close to election day, but still.

John McCain isn’t trailing by that much. We wonder what the actual turnout will be. We expected a landslide for the Democrats but in the presidential race, it could be closer than we are hearing in the press.

We have a serious celebrity love jones for Daniel Craig, who now plays James Bond. He’s oddly attractive and not so conventional. We always dig the weird ones best.

Apparently the suspect in the Jennifer Hudson family murders is a member of the famed Gangster Disciples street gang. While some claim gang activity in Chicago is not out of hand, it would appear otherwise. Someone needs to take control of that city and stop the violence. Seriously.

We hear a coterie of celebs are going to turn out for Hudson’s family memorial services. We hope they show her love and support. She’s gonna need it after this tragedy.

Finally, Cloris Leachman, bless her heart, is off of Dancing With the Stars. We suppose viewers grew tired of the gimmick. She was funny but this is a dance show. Susan Lucci, altho lovely, looks too wooden. We think she’s the next to go. We think Lance Bass seems to likeable and his partner a real champion of dancing — she always performs 110 percent.

Those housewives in Atlanta are despicable. We haven’t seen anyone so self-absorbed since like high school. They are pathetic and spoiled and dreadful.

Jeremy Piven is once again turning this season of HBO’s Entourage into must-watch TV. Seriously, Sunday nights at 10 p.m. He’s insane as Ari. We love it so much we call it the Ari show.